Princess Helen(:

It’s never going to be enough for you is it?

I’m never going to be enough for you am I ? We may have had our fair share of mistakes of course you having so much more than I. You’re just better at hiding things. I can’t give you what you want because it’s not fair to me. I’m not going to be a sideline or a stop along the way and I know you love me but that’s just not enough for me anymore. You love me but you also love having fun with other girls too and I can’t just be in denial and pretend to be okay with that. I respect myself more. I love you and I always will but maybe that’s just it. I love you so much to where I don’t even know who I am anymore or what I’m doing. I’m always tiptoeing around your way to make sure you’re happy and that I’m good enough but maybe I’m not the problem anymore. You are. I am good enough. It’s you that needs to change. Or maybe we’ve just grown so different and apart in the past few months that we’re not the same people anymore. You’re not who I fell in love with. I will always love you and care for you but that in love feeling is just not there anymore. Maybe we always run back to each other every time because we’re too attached to try new things, but change is good. You’ve changed and who am I to judge you and say the way you hold your cocky head up high and think you can do whatever you want is wrong? Who am I to say you always wanting to have your cake and eat it too is wrong? Who am I to say you wanting a different girl to sleep with 24/7 is wrong? You’re young you should do that. Who am I to stop you, it’s not up to me. But what is up to me is I don’t choose to be a part of your lifestyle. I know you will love me always and you just mess around with girls for fun but that’s not enough for me. I want a simple love. One where I’ll be happy more than sad and with you it’s the complete opposite. We’re always on a roller coaster and we fell in love with the drama and the fights but I can’t keep doing this anymore. Maybe I’ve changed too. This love stays in high school because it’s meant for high school. It’s too juvenile to bring anywhere else. I don’t want to be a psycho ex girlfriend who you still talk to but turns crazy whenever you are with someone else. If you want you’re playboy lifestyle then go ahead, who am I to stop you. Just don’t expect me to wait for you at the end of the day because I won’t be there. I’ve hurt more guys than I can count because of you, guys who are willing to give me what I want, and all for what? Love is a gamble so I took a chance on you and I lost. The guy I fell in love with isn’t here anymore. And maybe every other girl likes whoever this new guys is but not me. I keep waiting hoping he’ll come back but I’m just waiting for nothing. I know I’ve hurt you and I take partial credit for this but you’ve also hurt me and now every time I try to like someone new, I can’t. I’m scared to feel like this with anyone else.  Don’t go out doing whatever you want and not giving a fuck and then turn around and question me why I don’t wait for you at the end of the day and be patient. So you want hoes to fuck in your life? Go ahead no one’s stopping you nor does anyone have the right to. Just know you can do it alone. I’m done playing this game with you because in the end we both lose. Maybe one day you will find a hoe who turns into a nice girl and yall can fall in love but you don’t deserve for me to be in love with you anymore. When I see you now, I don’t feel how I use to, I don’t feel excited. You’re just there. You’re just someone I’ve known for a long time and no matter how much we push each other away you’re still here and I’m too weak to stop it. But this is coming to an end. You don’t deserve me anymore.